Want to walk into a trap? Venture any kind of opinion about how people with kids can or should balance working and parenting. There’s almost no right answer, and a lot of common sense takes you right into some almost-political arguments about gender norms, social standards, and the like.

Just because this territory is fraught with peril doesn’t mean it’s not worth considering. Our choices about career and family define our lives. We’d be mistaken to look nowhere for wisdom or to keep hard-learned lessons to ourselves. But still: almost any personal story about the choices made to prioritize career (but what about the kids!) or devote a full-time life to parenting (but what about your aspirations!) cuts against something you’ve done or think is good.

The link this week is different. The author rightly side-swipes all the norms and social laws you can think of. Men can be full-time parents; women can quit their careers to be full-time parents. In this story: both happen, and both are right. This reminds me of something Steven Tomlinson, one of my mentors said about marriage. In a true partnership, both partners make big asks of each other. Sometimes that big ask is a 10 or 20-year ask: will you be the primary parent while I pursue my vocation? I think the richest relationships are the ones where both partners have made and have said yes to these big asks.

This week’s story is one of those hard-learned lessons we cannot ignore. And it’s written really well.

This is the best thing I’ve read in quite a while. Read it.

Reading

Leaving Work for Parenting Is My Progressive Act of Rebellion The tense call from my husband came when I was on a break between panels during a US Special Operations conference in Washington, DC. inkstickmedia.com